He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
