just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
