it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
