Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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