And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
