i just snorted my name. best moment ever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
