somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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