I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
