maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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