Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had to coat check the pizza.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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