im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
