Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
