you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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