There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
