It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
