It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
