I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
