Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
