An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
