This is not my ceiling
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
