help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
