Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
