erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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