I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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