I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
