yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize