Betty ford says i'm here all night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
