life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
