I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
