Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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