so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
