Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
