I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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