Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
