if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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