Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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