I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
soo... how was my night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
