I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
