Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
