girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
