I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
