I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
