This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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