You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
