I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
