and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
