Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
