I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
