I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
