you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
