Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
