So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize