i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
