What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
