Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
