Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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