No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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