i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
