omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
