So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
