Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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