They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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