I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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