I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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